Being a good wife is not easy, even if you have a near-perfect husband. To be a good wife, you have to be able to communicate effectively, to keep your romance alive, and to be your husband’s best friend while maintaining your own identity.
It seems like everyone is looking for the quickest, easiest and most efficient way to get things done these days. Time is of the essence and it seems like with each tick of the clock you have more and more things to do. Tasks may pile up and your lists may seem insurmountable but your marriage should not be another task on your list of things to take care of, it should be a priority.
Express your feelings and needs effectively
Your husband doesn’t have visionary powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don’t drop hints or figure he’ll “come around” or you’ll never get anything done. If you want to be able to express how you feel, you should be able to speak with a positive tone and to listen to what your husband says instead of being accusatory. Here are some ways to do it:
- Send “I messages.” Instead of accusing him of not meeting your needs, focus the conversation on yourself. For instance, tell him, “I feel ignored when I don’t see you until 6:30 every night.”
- Listen to what he says. When he tells you something, repeat what he said back to him so that he knows you understand. For example, “I hear you saying that you’re worried about finances, and that’s why you’ve been working late.”
- Avoid passing judgment. Let him finish what he’s saying before you respond. After he’s done talking, offer a solution. For instance, say, “I’m willing to live on a tighter budget if that means that I get to see you more often.”
Don’t be a drill sergeant
It’s very common for women to become mothers to their husbands without even knowing it. While men may have their bad habits and they may just drive you crazy, try to refrain from falling into the trap of being the nagging and boorish wife. You may think this will make things in your household run more smoothly but the truth is it will only turn your husband off. Instead, try talking to him in a way that does not demean him or make him think you are treating him like a child. Remember to treat your husband the way you would wish to be treated. While it is easier said than done sometimes, it is very important if you want to keep your husband from resenting you.
Act like you’re dating him again
- Flirt, wink and playfully catch your husband’s eye once he walks in the door. There is nothing wrong with seducing and charming your husband the same way you would flirt to grab the attention of a random stranger. Get out of your comfort zones, it will be fun for the both of you!
Don’t try to change your husband.
Accept him as he is and let him know that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Love him for who he is, and he’ll love you unconditionally in return.
- Accept that you and your husband are not the same person. He won’t always see the world the same way that you do, and that’s a good thing. Being with someone who isn’t exactly like you will make your relationship richer.
- There’s a difference between asking your husband to clean up more around the house and making him become a hiking fanatic when he hates the outdoors. You can ask him to improve in different areas, but you can’t force him to like all of the same things you do.
Roll with the changes.
You will experience crises together, from the loss of a job to the death of a parent. You may suffer financial hardship, or you may find yourselves unexpectedly wealthy and unsure of what to do. Your marriage can survive the changes if you’re willing to keep communicating and being flexible. Here are some things to keep in mind as you learn to accept change:
- Remember that whatever changes happen, you and your husband are dealing with them as a team, not as people on the opposite side of a battle. Dealing with the changes together makes them much more manageable.
- Roll with the changes in your love life. Though you and your husband may still be passionately in love, don’t get disappointed if he doesn’t want to make love every night or to kiss you twenty times a day like he did when you were newlyweds. You can still keep your love strong without wanting it to be exactly the same as it was when you first got married.
- Roll with the changes with your bodies. Though you may work hard to stay fit and eat healthy, you have to accept that your 50-year-old selves probably aren’t as svelte as your 25-year-old selves, and that’s okay.
Minimize Your Complaining
While it is nice to have someone to come home and talk to every evening about the way your day went, sometimes our husbands are not the best candidates. Sometimes, it is better to reserve your worst complaints about how your day has gone for your girlfriends. After all, we love to gossip and complain about everyone and everything under the sun, at some point, and we are good at it. Let me explain. Men are Mr. Fix Its by nature, they cannot help it, it is in their DNA and has been since the beginning of time. When you start ranting about a problem you are having somewhere that he can do nothing to help fix, he will become frustrated. He will automatically start thinking of things that can be done to fix the problem and when there is nothing he will shut you out. He cannot help it, this is just who he is. Just like we as women want our men to listen to us, we need to understand that he is solution oriented and may not be the best “listener”.
Meet your husband’s needs without compromising your own.
If he needs more sex, then open your mind to the possibilities. If he needs time with friends or time to pursue a hobby, then don’t be possessive. He’ll be happier, and he’ll be grateful to you for your respect. You should meet his needs, or at least some of them, without doing anything that is uncomfortable to you.
- If he’s missing his time out with the boys, let him have a boy’s night and have a girl’s night of your own.
- If he wants time to pursue his hobbies, let him take the time. He’ll grow as a person from doing his own thing, and this will benefit your relationship.
Respect his opinions
- You do not have to always agree with your husband, but taking the time to recognize his point of view and trying to place yourself in his shoes will help you both appreciate and respect each other’s opinions.