Rejection is as common as the common cold. Everybody experiences it sometime, yet there is nothing they can do about it except wait for it to run its course. Among the many types of rejections, rejection in love is arguably the worst kind. It may be a very romantic notion to love somebody without expecting to be loved in return, but most of us are not capable of sustaining such love. We feel rejected and the pain of this rejection manifests in many ways.
No matter what any of those self-help books say, rejection in love hurts. And it hurts like physical pain. And it is perfectly normal to feel that way. However, this does not mean that you will continue to feel hurt for the rest of your life. You can (and will!) pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on with your life.
Yes, you’re probably feeling like a total failure right now. The object of your affection does not feel the same way about you. You feel like nothing will ever be right again. You don’t think life is worth living.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
We want to share with you a few ways to help you tide over the pain of rejection in love for the short-term. But, before that, please understand that there are a few myths about happiness floated by so-called self-help gurus that may well be standing in the way of your healing.
Myth 1) Happiness is not an outcome of an event; it is a choice we make.
Myth 2) You don’t need external approval to feel happy.
Myth 3) You need to be happy with your own company before you can be happy in a relationship.
None of these theories have been scientifically proven. So forget them!
Heartbreak seems all too real, with a pain in our chest where our heart is located and an empty feeling within. It is true that time does heal all pain—provided you are able to give it enough time without attempting to take drastic actions.
Rejection is utterly painful but it is not the end of your life. Positive self-affirmations may or may not help you get out of your misery, but these practical tips certainly will:
Don’t take it personally.
The sting of rejection is so severe because it hurts our ego. It makes us think less of ourselves. We feel emotionally attached to the person who rejected us. We blame ourselves for the rejection, as if the reason for the unrequited love was some shortcoming in us.
Most often, rejection in love has nothing to do with us personally. The person rejecting us may not be interested in dating, or may be too busy, too burdened with their own problems, or may have a complicated life in which they don’t want to bring another person.
You don’t know what is going on in the other person’s mind. So, you can’t decide why you were rejected. It’s not about you. When you are rejected by someone, most of the time their decision has nothing to do with you. They are responding to their own fears, doubts, and insecurities.
Put your mind at peace with the thought that you were not rejected because of some intrinsic faults; you were rejected because the person you were interested in has their own issues to work out.
Everyone has a different reality.
You and the next person perceive the world in different ways. Your reality is different from the reality of the person you are interested in. Thus, your responses to your versions of reality are bound to be different.
If you understand this difference, you will not feel the pain of rejection as keenly as you would have otherwise felt.
Do not expect others to see and react to the world in the exact way that you do.
Always think of more than one possible outcome.
Instead of always thinking “positively,” think of all the possible outcomes of a situation. When you share your romantic feelings with the person you are interested in, two things may happen. He or she may or may not reciprocate those feelings.
Tell yourself that he or she may accept your romantic overtures because you’re a good looking person, you have a great personality, or you have a good heart.
Also tell yourself that he or she may not accept your feelings because they don’t want to date, or they’re too busy to sustain a relationship, or they want different qualities in a partner.
In this way, you can buffer yourself against some of the pain of rejection. If you are rejected for whatsoever reason, you know that it is not because of something you did wrong.
Seek alternate positive interactions.
According to Professor Eisenberger of UCLA, who specializes in the psychological research on rejection, positive interactions with people boosts one’s mood due to the release of “happy” chemicals. These chemicals activate the pleasure receptors of the brain.
The trick to soften the blow of rejection is to immerse yourself in happy relationships with friends and family. Give time a chance to heal everything else.
You can also pursue a hobby that you were passionate about before or sign up for something new. There’s so much to learn and profit by! When you’re immersed in an activity you enjoy, you will have less time to spend on thinking about the pain in your heart and the miserable state of your life. You may even begin to realize that the pain is abating and things are not as dreary as they seem.
By being less emotionally dependent on your partner, you are giving yourself the opportunity to stay away from unnecessary hurt and regret. You may feel able enough to take the doors that are open for you if only you could see them.
Do you need help with overcoming a rejection? Speak to our expert counsellors at Askmile anonymously and for free!