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Anxiety, depression, unsure of current relationship, and jealousy

Asked by Female, 25, Single
Hello i am a girl of 27 years...I have suffered from anxiety for a long time years but somehow I have been able to cont with my studies and work recently...but for last few months everything seems to be spiralling downwards.... I have failed in my relationship...I have problem concentrating putting my mind to something....I am not able to commit in a task....it's really difficult ... i am in a critical phase of my life where i need to decide on my relationship on my career but I feel stuck not wanting to be where i am and scared to move ahead..... i am so preoccupied with myself that i feel like i haven't been there for my family and friend.... after all the efforts and craziness i went through to be in this spot i never expected to feel this low.... i am unsure of my current relationship unsure of what i want to do....all of this combined with extreme sense of achieving something in life and i haven't had the discipline to do so. All of this gets me really anxious and depressed.... it's kinda like i am psyched.... above all my relationship choices have really confused me...i dont know what kind of person i am. Plus i have always been a jealous person and there have been instances where i cannot bring myself to face and communicate freely to a person that i admire and also get jealous of.
Answer
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Madhuri Mohan
Counselling Psychologist

Hi I understand that you have anxiety issues for a long time but have been able to cope with it until recently. Have you consulted with a professional regarding your anxiety issues before? If you have not I would highly recommend that you seek the help of a clinical psychologist and take their guidance on dealing with your anxiety. For the time being, You can try a few coping mechanisms and see if these help you. 1. Keep a diary - whenever you fee like you are unable to do a task or make a decision and that makes you sad and confused, write it down in a diary. Keep a diary with the following headings: "how I am feeling" , "What actions caused this feeling", "How could I have changed the outcome of feeling better". When you do this, you will clearly understand what triggers your anxiety and how you can make better, more informed decisions. You may also write down your goals and what you want to achieve and make a plan on how you are going to achieve it, But this can be done at a later stage, once you are able to gain control over your emotions. 2. Meditate - Meditation helps calm the mind tremendously. It may sound silly to many, but once you start feeling the changes, you will understand the power meditation has. Every day, close your eyes and focus on your breathing, without having any other thoughts, just count your breaths. It will be hard in the beginning so start with 10 min and slowly increase the time. This will reduce your anxiety and make you feel good. 3. Stop comparing yourself to others - From what I understand you have a tendency to compare yourself with others and that may be the root cause of why you feel jealous as well. If you do not have what another has, you feel jealous. However, comparing yourself to others will worsen your anxiety and depression. While sometimes, it can motivate us to work harder and greater heights, but it can also make us feel inadequate (this is where jealousy, fear of rejection and other negative thoughts come from). I can assure you that the friend you are jealous of or envy for their fancy car or huge house or perfect body has just as many problems as you (if not more). Therefore, try to focus on yourself, your own betterment, and your own life. Don't obsess about other people. 4. Talk to people - May times what happens, we are unable to communicate what we are feeling with our near and dear ones. Hence, we tend to feel alone and this can be very intimidating. But you have to remember, you are not alone, there are people to help you and give you the support you need. You just need to open up and ask for it. So, talk to someone that is close to you and tell them the problems you are having. Once you have shared, you will feel a lot better and you would have also got a third part perspective on your problem and even come up with a solution. 5. Relax - Most importantly you have to learn to relax! You have all the time in the world. Just because you are 27 years does not mean you have to all the answers ready, there are people who even at 50 years who are still looking for answers about their relationship or career. Happiness is a state of mind that takes practice, effort, and vigilance. You have to be willing to take a hard look at your life, cut out bad habits and people, and make changes in your own internal expectations and behavior. To achieve this you need time and you have all the time in the world! so do not stress, take baby steps and when the time is right you will get there. I hope this helps. If you want more strategies on how to cope with your anxiety please feel free to send me a message. Thanks. :) 

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