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Blame game, lack of time and arguments and fights destroying our marriage but I still love him a lot!
Asked by female, 30 yrs, married
We are married for 1.3 years and its a arrange marriage. Now we both argue a lot. There's no love left between us. Blame game is on. He don't give me time. I get frustrated at official front but he don't care to talk to me regarding this concern. He don't do anything to surprise me or make me feel special or happy. He just always want to chill out with his friends. He hardly gives me time, due to tension I am overweight now. I have gained 15 kg after marriage. After such arguments and fights I take painkillers because of my headaches after arguments. Tell me what to do? I want to restore my married life. I don't want to lose him. I want to tell him I still love him a lot and want to win his love back too for me.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

I see that it's not been too long since you've been married and it was an arranged marriage. The thing with arranged marriages is that you both need to take time to get to know each other, to understand each other and each other's expectations of the marriage and see if you both are on the same page about it or not. Unless you both are on the same page about what you want your future to be and how, you both are going to be on different paths that will create a push and pull in your relationship.

You mention that there is no love left between the two of you, which means that there was a time when there was love. Try to explore what made that possible then and what is different now. Blame game occurs when partners seek to attack the other more than wanting to defend themselves. There is something you both are really hurt about that is causing the anger between you both. Try to talk to him about whats really bothering you both. What are you both so hurt about? What are you both really seeking from each other?

With the fights clouding the relationship, it is difficult to show concerns and care even when one really intends to. You long for that from him. So tell him exactly what you said here that "I want to restore my married life. I don't want to lose him. I want to tell him I still love him a lot and want to win his love back too for me".

Just the way the tension got to your weight and resorting to painkillers to deal with all of this, he too perhaps is trying to deal with this in his way by resorting to chilling out with his friends. You both have your own different ways of dealing with your situations.

With regard to your physical health, do consult with a professional medical practitioner before taking in any sort of pills. Our mind and body are two sides of the same coin and the functioning of one affects the functioning of the other.

Going for couple's therapy might be a good idea to look into the roots of the issues and to resolving with and being able to build a stronger foundation for your future together.

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