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Broken relationships, verbal abuse, loss of interest, weight loss, sleep issues

Asked by Female, 25, Single
I am not happy with life anymore. I was in a relationship for 7 years and it did not work out. I could not connect with anyone for 3 years. However, recently I met an old friend and I realized we had things in common and can connect well. In due course of time I realized I am facing the same problem I faced in my first relationship. I am abused verbally and talked rudely to. I tolerate it. He restricts me a lot, even simple things like spending time with friends. I am hurt. I am abused all the time unnecessarily. My boyfriend breaks up with me over a text and realize I need him to be happy. I later beg him to take me back in life. Feels like history is repeating. I don't feel good with and without him. I don't know what to do. Please help me. I am losing weight. I have no interests. I don't talk to anyone. I am unable to sleep at night. Please help me.
Answer
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Madhuri Mohan
Counselling Psychologist

Hi there, I cannot imagine the pain you are in currently. You are torn between two tough choices. One that involves constant abuse and trauma and the other that involves fear and loneliness. This is dilemma is taking up all of your energy and mental capacity. Seeking professional help is a good step in such situations and you have made that bold move. We can help you understand your current predicament and help you overcome your issues. As I mentioned earlier, you seem to have two tough choices, so the first thing I want you to do is to divide a piece of paper in two, On side write what are the consequences you will face if you leave your current partner. Write down, all the negative feelings you will have and also write down what are the positives that will come out of it. On the other side, do the same thing and write about what would be the consequence if you continue to be with him. Once you do this exercise, weigh the pros and cons of each situation. I am not denying that either of the choices will be less painful, but  you have to see which decision is going to benefit you in the long run. We are here to provide support whatever decision you make. But it is important that you do this exercise first. I hope this helps. Please write back to me after you are done, and we shall take it from there. Look forward to hearing from you. :) 

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