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Drug addict, abusive, violent, suspicious boyfriend

Asked by Female, 20, Single
Hello doctor.. M 20 yr old m in a relationship with a guy from past 2 years.. he used to be a marijuana and hashish addict.. but after so many conflicts fights complications he has improved a lot.. he only does it once in week or 10 days.. earlier he used to ignore me like he'll.. and this happens sometimes even now.. because I was in a relationship with a guy in past with whom I had physical relations as well.. I had sex with him thrice.. even though me and my present bf have had intimate many times but he still tortures me considering my past.. despite of the fact that he had the same thing and he had sex many times with his ex.. but she cheated on him badly so he always blames me he abuses me.. hits me in public.. he keeps the things in his mind and then ignores me every second day.. and whenever he feels like he talks to me.. and whenever he wants to go with his friends he ignores me.. when I leave him he comes to me crying.. our families are aware of our relationship.. but once his father tried to touch me in a bad intention but he was drunk.. I told my bf about it at first he didn't believe after that he was apologetic about his dad's behaviour telling me that it may happen because his dad was drunk.. but the thing is he doesn't allow me talk to anyone.. meet anyone.. I have left all my friends because of him.. but still he cooks up stories.. and says u have sex with everyone.. he thinks m cheating on him.. and then abuse me hit me.. curses my past.. and when I leave him he comes apologising.. I don't know wht to do.. pls help.. I love him a lot and I care for him very much.. but m depressed..
Answer
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Pooja Hari Kumar
Counsellor & Special Educator

Hi I understand you have been through a lot in this relationship . Although you love him very much you have recognised that your relationship is causing you a lot of pain.
In other words, you are in an abusive relationship.
Denial is a strong force that can keep us in toxic situations far longer than is safe or necessary.
Until you acknowledge the behavior as abusive, you wont be motivated to take action .
Women dont plan to get into an abusive relationship. In fact most dont realize they are in one until it is too late.
Listening to what you have to go through in this relationship I feel Like you are extremely unhappy.
It is impossible to be happy in a relationship where your partner abuses you and treats you poorly.
You are not anyone's punching bag. You don't need to take abuse from anybody.

Recognise the signs
he is being physical
He has isolated you from you're friends
He is an addict

Second Get Help
Many women stay in abusive relationships because they are too embarrassed to tell their friends and family. If their partner acts like Mr. Perfect when hes in public, they may feel that no one will believe them. Although your family and friends love you, you may have trouble believing it if youve been emotionally beaten down. This is not something you have to go through alone. Also I feel that your boyfriend needs to get professional help but he should voluntary go to a psychologist

Hope this helps .. take care

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