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Emotionally, verbally, and physically abused by husband, short-tempered

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I knew my husband for 10 years before we tied the knot. But after 1 week of marriage he changed completely. My husband verbally abuses me and my family and beats me up for petty issues. He is short-tempered and has affairs with girls. He is unwilling to go for marriage counselling and I don't want to break the marriage due to our baby. It has been 5 years I feel i have lost my confidence and myself.
Thumb komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

I gather that you are facing a lot of difficulty in your marriage. You seem to feel sad over loosing your former confident self and trapped in an abusive marriage. First and foremost, please understand that abuse of any kind is punishable by law and is a criminal offence. Be assured that you are not alone in this and that there are others around you to help you only if you wish to help yourself too. Now, I understand that you do not wish to break the marriage, more so because there is a child involved, and I understand your concerns.

I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in given that although you had known him for almost 10 years before getting married to him, you saw an unexpected different side to him one week within the marriage. Could you tell me more about how you experienced your husband to be to you before the marriage? Were there any signs of him being such a man before the marriage? What went on in that one week of marriage that changed everything so drastically?
I also notice that despite such a state you both have a child together. How did that come to happen?
From what you have said, I do get a current picture of your husband, and we will talk more on this in our future interactions, but could you also tell me more about yourself as an individual? What does your typical day look like? Are you employed or financially independent? Any social support system you have in place?
I also see that you have passed almost 5 years going through this. I wonder how have you been managing this all this while? What made you seek help now after all these years?
Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better and enable me to guide you accordingly.

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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