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Ex-girlfriend hurts me by contacting me occasionally

Asked by Male, 20, Single
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she was sure her parents would not approve of our relationship. But she calls me occasionally and disturbs me. I am not able to focus on studies.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

It seems that you are facing difficulty in moving on from a break up. More so because the break up was not because you both stopped loving each other but because of her parents. To top it, it gets even more difficult for you when she contacts you, reminding you of all the pain that you are trying hard to move on from. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in.

Firstly, I would appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far.
Could you tell me a little bit about yourself as an individual? What does your typical day look like?
How have you managed these two years so far? Anything or anyone that has helped you so far?
It is interesting to note how you have used the word 'disturbing' to refer to her calls. Could it mean that you have decided for yourself never to go back in this relationship and do not wish to have any contact with her whereas she still wishes to reconcile? I am also sensing some anger here from your side toward her or perhaps towards the situation. Am I correct? Please feel free to clarify at any point.
What about her getting in touch with you makes you uncomfortable? Is there something you fear might happen?
Could you tell me more about how the break up took place and how did you take it personally?
Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better and enable me to guide you accordingly.

Secondly, how would you like me to help you with your situation? What is it that you are hoping to seek through this counselling process?

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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