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Feeling depressed and suicidal after breakup

Asked by Female, 21, Single
I was in a three-year relationship with a classmate. We both were very much in love with each other and were serious about getting married. But he started treating me very badly; insulted me in private and public. He pretends to be very nice in front of everyone else which includes his family but he has been very rude to me. We have shared some great memories but when his mood goes bad he can be scary. I recently broke up with him. I see him everyday due to college commitments and seeing how much he has changed really hurts me. When I had fallen in love with him he was so decent. He never objectified girls. Now he does it all the time. I still love him, but I hate him for all that he has done. I think about him all the time since our families were okay with our relationship from the start. I am just feeling very depressed. At times I think about the nice memories and want to go back and other times I see what he does and it makes me want to slap him for treating me so badly. Please help me. I am getting suicidal as well.
Answer
Thumb sneha jayagopal
Sneha
Psychotherapist

Dear writer, the end of a relationship is painful and I understand that not only are you grieving it, you are but naturally feeling resentment towards your ex for having caused you this pain. There's also the anger you might feel towards yourself for having trusted someone so implicitly. It's at this point one can lose faith in themselves and I suspect you're experiencing some of that as well.
Now this is where it's important to put things in perspective for yourself. One, you took control of a situation that was turning out to be toxic for the both of you. Second by breaking up you stood up for your self respect. Third, you put your foot down on a pattern that kept repeating itself so you changed it. Fourth, you showed courage by writing in and revealing your feelings. Fifth, to ask for help when one really needs it is what makes you brave, smart and resourceful. You have all the tools to completely trust and rely on yourself. The only thing we are ever really in control of is our life. You can choose to look at this as a learning experience. Although it doesn't feel like it right now, you can use this to empower yourself.
Feeling anger is a natural part of grief. It is how you get over a loss( person or relationship) and you need the time to heal.

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