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Feeling non-committal in the relationship.

Asked by Female, 21, Single
I have been dating this guy over a month now and most of that time was really good but we did have a couple of fights. I know that we both love each other and the feeling is mutual but during those fights I realised that I am not ready for a serious commitment. I am not able to give my 100% to this because of my past experiences and I have tried explaining the same thing to him as well. I just think it doesn't make sense to be with someone when you aren't ready and I'd rather hurt him now for his own good than continue this half heartedly. I would like to know if this is the right thing to do or what would be the ideal thing to do?
Answer
Thumb sneha jayagopal
Sneha
Psychotherapist

Dear Writer, thank you writing in. I understand that you are looking for clarity and are unsure about which way to go. So let's put this in perspective. You're with a guy and it's going good but then a couple of fights has led you to feel differently about this relationship. It's perfectly natural to feel unsure about committing to a person you have only been with for a month. It's also fine for you to take your time before you give it your 100%. Simply put, it takes time for some to ease into a relationship before they can commit to it completely. But since you mention that your past has played a role in leaving you somewhat disillusioned, it leads me to believe that you might be carrying some baggage. You know when you aren't ready for a relationship. I wonder if you have experienced pain then in your past. Perhaps this move to break up with your boyfriend might be an effort on your part to protect yourself..? Taking the right direction might involve you dealing with your 'baggage' because it is certainly affecting the way you view your present and the future. To help me understand you better, perhaps you could share these past experiences here. Working this out might get you closer to figuring out your relationship issues. Please do message back to continue our discussion. Regards.

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