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Fighting all the time in the relationship. Is it due to lifestyle stress?

Asked by Female, 27, Single
I am not sure if he is the right one. I am not sure if I fell in love with him because of the pressure of finding someone, or because it was meant to be. We are in a long distance relationship, and lately, we have been fighting a lot. I don't know if it's the stress related to our lifestyle, or if it's because, in my heart, I have given up on the relationship, or I am unconsciously being influenced by my dad who doesn't like him.
Answer
Thumb sneha jayagopal
Sneha
Psychotherapist

Dear writer, I appreciate your having written in. I can see that you are in some what of a quandary.
Your relationship seems to be in a state limbo. It doesn't seem to be progressing in any direction and that probably has to do with your own uncertainty. It's natural to have fights with your partner but the demands of a long distance relationship can provoke you over the smallest of things. You have mentioned some reasons for this. It could be either of them or all of them contributing to you feeling like this. What I can note is that you seem drained. At this point you cant seem to fall back on your relationship as a buffer and it is working on you. In relationships generally we have expectations and needs. Having one's partner more accessible makes it convenient and easier to work on these, while the distance makes it harder to work on the same; added to that there's also the physical absence of your partner that makes you want them all the more. For some, the needs of this kind of relationship are not as hard to come to terms with and they figure a way out to make it work, while for some others it is a little harder and a lot more frustrating to cater to these needs. I think this situation calls for you to ask yourself, what do you want to prioritize right now? You did say that your work and your course are quite demanding as of now and perhaps a part of you would rather focus on that for the time being. Maybe you are feeling a little too stretched out. If that is the case then it might do you some good to take a bit of breather. Everyone needs to re-energise every once in a while and maybe you are overdue. Maybe you could go meet your boyfriend if its possible. Probably that's all you need, a little time off. Whether your father's opinion affects your choice and perception is for you answer. Do talk to your boyfriend about the fights and over reactions on both your parts, when you're feeling a little calmer. Perhaps dealing with this hurdle can get you closer to feeling sure about whether this relationship is meant to last or not. Remember that relationships, atleast the ones that matter are not always smooth sailing. They are meant to challenge you and question your commitment and demand your very best, and that's part of the adventure. Circumstances may have influenced your choosing a partner but falling in love is not an intellectual decision. It happens regardless because it's an emotion. So you need to remind yourself; what do you like about your partner and what made you fall in love with him? Should a rough patch in your relationship make you question everything you feel for him? Being in a relationship involves going through a gamut of emotions.You could be feeling pretty mad at him right now and that's okay too.

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