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Frequent fights with spouse, no interest in sex
Asked by male, 34 yrs, married
My wife and I fight frequently because she does not want me to quit my government job and set up a business in my hometown. Also, she is not interested in sex.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

I sense that your wife is not comfortable with you taking a financial risk. She seems to fear the financial stability that you currently get from a government job will no longer be there when you set up your own business.

What you could try telling her is this "Honey, I know you're upset with me wanting to make this decision. I want to know what about it makes you uncomfortable and perhaps I could do something to make you feel better about it. I'm here to hear you. At the same time I would also like to share with you why I want to make this decision, hoping that you would understand me just as I am trying to understand you. My hope is that we are able to mutually come up with a decision that we agree upon in the best of both our interests. Let's do this by listing out the pros and cons of both options." Hold her hand as you say to her "we'll figure it out together, don't worry".

Having a conversation such as this will create a space for mutual understanding and pave way for a safe space to resolve conflicts together in the marriage rather than just stating what you both want and resulting in frequent fights. Such fights result when both of you are talking but neither of you are actually listening to what the other intends to say.

When feeling an emotional disconnect we often disconnect ourselves even physically. This perhaps could be the reason your wife has withdrawn sex from the relationship. Hopefully when things will fall in place emotionally, it will get better sexually as well.