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Getting angry with girlfriend, frequent fights

Asked by Male, 18, Single
I really really love my girl,but im kinda acting narrow minded and frustrated towards her. She loves me a lot more..but i have been breaking her feelings frequently unexpectedly,having no intensions. Due to my jerkishness,we fight very frequently. I really hate this character of mine. I try controlling myself a lot but burst out of anger all of a sudden during argument. I really love her,dont wanna lose her. Please please someone help me with this. I really wanna change. Please
Answer
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Chandni Gandhi
Counselling Psychologist

Hi,I really appreciate the courage you have shown by looking inwards, it takes a lot of strength to accept who we are and take full responsibility for itI am sure you are extremely connected to her, for which you have decided to seek some help.For long term, please  write down all the incidents where you started loosing your temper and gets frustrated, you can maintain thought journal which can have following columns 1) Situation / Trigger 2) Feelings /Emotions3) Body sensations4) ThoughtsThis can be discussed later over Personal chat session/ call session, with this we can together reflect on your angerBy the time you do that, there are exercises you can try when you get angry these are simple to tryBreathe deeply and slowly repeat calming words or phrase to yourself, like "take it easy" or "relax" while you are breathing deeply.you can also choose to visualize a relaxing memory or incident from your childhood to calm you down instantly. practicing yoga or some physical exercise reduces stress and anger from your body, leaving you calmContinuity is key, Practice these techniques daily. Eventually, you'll be able to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.changing the way we think like this will help as well , how about Avoiding words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or others. Statements like "This never works" or "You're always forgetting things" make you feel your anger is justified and there's no way to solve the problem. Give yourself a break. Make sure to schedule some personal time during especially stressful parts of the day. You might have a rule that the first 15 minutes after coming home from work will be quiet time, for example. With this brief respite, you'll feel better prepared to handle demands from people around you without blasting due to anger.Consider the timing. If you and your girlfriend tend to fight at night, perhaps it's because you're tired, distracted, or just accustomed to fighting then. Try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.Don't bottle up till you are ready to blast, talk your heart out more often then you do so that you don't end up storing lot of thoughts and emotions  inside yourself for you to blast one dayHumor is best solution, it can defuse any serious problem, so just choose to laugh it off, its healthy for you and your relationship as wellHope this helps,write back to us so we can help you in depth with it

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