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Girlfriend broke up with me due to my possessiveness

Asked by Male, 19, Single
My girlfriend broke up with me because she felt I was too possessive. I do not have any friends and cannot talk about this with anyone. I am still in love with her.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

So what I see is that you are dealing with multiple issues here. One being rejected and dealing with the breakup, the other being possessive (that is if you agree with your ex), and being socially lonely.
Falling in love does not guarantee that the other person will love you back as well. It’s a difficult truth to accept and painful. Loving someone truly is not about possessing or owning them. After a breakup there is a sense of abandonment, there is a sense of terror about the future, there is disappointment... there is a process of going from “we” back to “me”.
Moving on from a relationship can indeed be a very difficult phase to go through emotionally. You are in pain over loosing someone. Moving on does not necessarily mean that we cease to think of them or cease to love them, it only means that we have been able to come to terms with the end of that relationship. So, continuing to love and miss an ex, to me is a normal thing to happen. But it’s when the memories and the love hinders you from functioning and moving on with your life is when reaching out for professional help would be a good idea.
Here are links to two articles that might help you to read through:
https://www.askmile.com/blog/rejected-in-love-heres-how-and-why-you-should-dust-it-off/
https://www.askmile.com/blog/3-ways-to-deal-with-one-sided-love-that-really-work/
https://www.askmile.com/blog/getting-over-a-breakup-101/
If you feel that you are possessive, it would be a good idea to explore the roots and work on them with a counsellor or a therapist.
To begin dealing with loneliness, it would help for you to try this exercise:
1-Consider the problem
a- Describe the circumstance that made you feel lonely
b-did the actions of others contribute to your loneliness? If so, how?
2- Take an honest look at yourself
a-What role might you have played in your own feeling of loneliness?
3- Take charge
a-The loneliness that you may feel might not be your fault, but what would you say is your responsibility?
b-List two people you could reach out to this week
c-List two activities that you could engage in this week to help you deal with your loneliness
4- Consider the results
a-After a week, check your progress. Has your loneliness reduced? If not, what steps can you take to try again?

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