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Girlfriend has put up difficult conditions to marry. Dont know what to do.

Asked by Male, 32, Single
I am in relationship with a girl from past 3 yrs. We met through matrimony website. We planned to get married. We both are of same age. The girl has put up few conditions which my parents are not accepting. First one is she wants to have court marriage. I see no point in court marriage reason being when both parents have excepted the relationship whats the point. I convinced My parents for the marriage in temple. Not much gathering but she is not even agreeing to this. Second condition she believes she does not has career in my town. She believe that she can not stay in my town even though she knows she has career in my town. Lastly the condition is you have to come to metro knowingly i have a well established business. I am confused what should. i do. Request you not to post it. On the portal. Thanks
Answer
Thumb dr. joseph george new
Dr. Joseph
Counseling Psychologist

Hello,
Thank you for sharing your concerns regarding this proposed woman whom you want to marry. At the same time her behavior and interactions making you doubtful about managing her as your wife. You got the contact through the matrimonial website and you have been in contact with her for the last three years. Both of you are the same age. I am not sure whether you would call your relationship a "love" relationship. Do you? Are you in love with her? Is she in love with you? Both families accept the relationship and they are ready to go ahead with the marriage. But now you seriously doubt whether you can mange her and make her feel happy. And a strong doubt that she cannot make you happy.

If there is love between you and her, conditions have no space. You would be going her way. She would be coming your way. Mutual give and take in order to make the marriage work. Now you have a well established business in the hometown which you want to continue. This would mean you expect her to come to your place for settling down. She is also concerned that she would not find a good job in your town. Is there any way she could be part of your business? She can gain some money by doing some tasks for you. I can understand her sense that she does not want to be a mere homemaker after studying and working for many years.

She does not want a religious/public marriage but a civil marriage (court) which means she wants to do it without much publicity, people, and saving money.Did she tell you the reasons for her decision to civil marriage? Was she in any relationship before? What do you know about her past? Your parents agree for making the wedding a small event but she is not willing even for that.

She gets easily upset when things do not go her way. Right? If you come to settle down in the metro with her, what is the guarantee that she would not find reasons to be upset with you and unhappy. If she comes to your hometown again the same thing.

I sense you strongly doubt the compatibility of this marriage. You fear that every day there would be some controlling behavior from her side. Is it correct? If so, what do you want to do?

What are your options in this context. Write back to us with more details.

With good wishes
Dr. Joseph George
Askmile Team

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