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How to control anger and make fiance behave spontaneously?

Asked by Female, 27, In relationship
My fiance does not behave spontaneously and I am not excited about getting married to him. I have also hurt him with my words in a fit of anger as I I am bit short tempered.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

It seems that you are facing difficulty with your fiance. What you seek from your partner is enthusiasm and spontaneity so that being around him makes you feel excited. But your partner is not able to match up with you on that. You say that you are short tempered and in anger have said hurtful things to him. This has started affecting your relationship with him.

I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in since this worries you that such is already the state before your marriage. You wonder how it would turn out to be later.

Firstly, I would appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far. I am sure this must not have been easy for you.
How long have you been in a relationship with him? Could you tell me a little bit more about how your relationship has been so far?
What do you love about him? What does he love about you?
When do you feel loved by him? When does he feel loved by you?
What are yours and his expectations from this marriage?
How would you say is the communication and understanding between you both?
What makes you angry? Could you tell me instances when you have said hurtful things to him in anger? How did you both respond to it and resolve the issue(s)?
And lastly, what has helped you to manage so far?
Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better and enable me to guide you accordingly.

Secondly, how would you like me to help you with your situation? What is it that you are hoping to seek through this counselling process?

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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