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How to control short temper, egoistic, dominant nature of my fiance?

Asked by Female, 28, In relationship
I am getting married in a month its an arranged marriage i know him for past 6 months. He is a nice guy very caring straight forward and intelligent. But he is very short tempered and during his anger he control his temper goes extreme abusive words and for small issues and all he is creating a big scene. He always wants to blame and corner and find faults. He is a control freak and is very dominant egostic and speaks very arrogantly and he feels his work can be done only by threatening them and I feel he likes fighting with me for some thing . If I accept the mistakes also its very difficult he is nt leaving the arguments and testing my patience also. I dont know how to handle him or what should I change am ready to change myself to solve this its very difficult I am scared seriously abot my marriage life please help me but I like him I want to live with him.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

I see that you do like him and want to live your life with him but it is getting difficult for you to handle his anger. You are only engaged and fear what lies ahead if things do not change for the better. I can understand your concern.

It seems like your fiance has difficulty dealing with his anger and anger management would perhaps help him if he is willing to give it a try. Abusive words as an expression of anger is something one picks up from their environment. Such find it difficult to express their anger with the use of abusive words. Helping him release his anger without the use of such words is one way to go about it (boxing in the pillow/ screaming out in an empty space/ scribbling on a piece of paper/ etc).

Blaming/ cornering/ fault finding are tactics used sometimes to get out of confrontation with self. Try to speak to him when he is calm about what is really bothering him and what he is intending to do. Actions speak differently, it is our intentions that matter. Being a control freak/ egoistic/ dominant/ threatening is something we take to to protect ourselves from something that is morally unacceptable to us, creating an illusion that we are in control and are not weak. In such cases it does not help to just accept your mistakes because that is not what he was after in the first place. And until he gets what he really is intended to go after, he will continue to test your patience and argue with you and push you to get you thinking to change something in desperation. It would help for you to talk to him heart to heart and help him get in touch with his emotions, to trust you and open up to you about what is really bothering him and how you could help him better deal with it.

Going for pre-marital counseling seems like a viable option to tackle the roots of the issues and help you both build a better foundation for your future relationship as husband and wife.

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