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How to get over breakup with partner

Asked by Female, 20, Single
I was in a relationship with a guy i love. He is my everything, my world. I would stay awake nights for him just to talk to him. We both knew we did not have a future together as families would not accept but we could not keep ourselves from each other. He now started avoiding me and when i finally forced him to tell me what was going on he said he wants to break up with me because his family wanted him to marry an Australian girl. He is equally in pain but cannot to stand up against his parents and hurt his mother because she had a hard time in the past. I am in pain and cannot sleep or eat. I do not wish to live anymore. This is killing me inside. I have no one in my life now.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

From what you have written I gather that at present you are in a very emotionally vulnerable position. You are heart has been broken repeatedly and the feeling of pain and hurt is eating you up from inside. It is unbearable and has left you feeling depressed so much so that at you feel that you want to run away from this pain and death seems to be the only answer you can think of right now. I can only imagine the misery you are bearing right now. Although you both shared the understanding that you did not have a future with each other, you could not help but fall in love with each other. You both decided on denying this reality to yourselves as much as you both could and choose to live in the present and enjoy it rather than worry about the future and miss out on what you both shared. But recently reality hit you both hard. He could not muster up the courage to face it or even express the same to you. This left you confused and upon your many attempts, he finally told you the reason for his absence in the past few days. Knowing this has left you devastated although you might be able to bring yourself to understand his reasons for making this difficult choice. You both seem to be caught in a helpless position and no amount of awareness or preparation could have helped you manage with the pain when the time actually came. Even in this state you were able to appreciate his words and also engage in self-care by deciding not to compromise on your self-respect by losing yourself over someone who is to you at this point is unable to take a stand for himself; however difficult. Sure, understandably, there is anger towards him and also to some extent towards yourself, for you are ready to do anything for him; you have invested so much of yourself in this relationship for him and for what? It gets even more difficult when you have finally taken the decision to come to terms with it and the person comes back with expressing his emotions that he was holding back all this life because now the fear of losing each other has become more true than ever. In the time that you were with him, he became your everything, your entire world, he was your friend, your family, your romantic partner so much so that you even lost your sleep over him as he was more important than anything else in this world. Your body too started responding to this stress and the entire experience of losing him has been traumatic for you. Your heart and soul craves for him, longs for him and it aches to not be able to do so. It’s almost as if in the process of losing him, you have lost a part of yourself. Its worse that you have no social support system to help you manage yourself in this difficult time.
Firstly, I would like to thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I can understand that it is not easy to pour your heart out to someone; it takes a lot of courage to do so. I would also like to appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far.

You mentioned that you have lost the ability to sleep and eat. This is very concerning for both of us at this point because you need the support of your body at this time. You need to have something to hold on to, to support you. I can understand that even getting out of bed and managing to live through another day in pain itself must be very challenging for you right now.
Could you tell me how are you managing yourself so far? What has helped you in coping up with this pain?
Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better and enable me to guide you accordingly.

Secondly, how would you like me to help you with your situation? What is it that you are hoping to seek through this counselling process?

It would help for you to go through these articles when you find the time, take time to read through them.
https://www.askmile.com/blog/getting-over-a-breakup-101/

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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