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How to get over emotional and physical abuse?

Asked by Female, 33, Divorced
How do I deal with emotional and physical abuse?
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Abuse in any form or degree at any age, gender, region, culture or circumstance is not acceptable or justifies in any manner. It is a criminal offence and is punishable by law. It is important to recognise abuse and to act against it rather than believing it to be a norm and deeming yourself to feel helpless.
First and foremost, call a helpline right away! Find out services in your state that cater to these issues and do not hesitate to reach out to them.
Reach out to someone you know and can trust well. It always helps to have someone support you and be by your side in times of need.
If possible and necessary, try to make yourself unavailable at places and at times when you can predict that the abuses is likely to happen, or cal someone over. Paying attention will help you recognise patterns in these abuse and if you are careful enough, you can use this as an opportunity to equip yourself to deal in such situations.
Talk to your partner if you believe it is unlike him/her to intentionally cause you harm, talk to them. Establishing clear boundaries isn’t about being confrontational or assertive or mean. It is simply about being clear on what you will accept and what you won’t accept, clear in your communication and clear about who is responsible for what. Tell them how you feel about any such unlikely incidents and the consequences on your physical and mental health of the same. Ask them how they are doing and what is going on with them in the spheres of their life that you are not directly involved in. Try to gauge what would have led them to act upon their aggression in the manner that they did. See if there is anything you can do to support them in their testing times. Talk to them about what led them to behave the way they did, or if there is something you can do to avoid them from feeling how they do. Check with them if there is something you could do from your end to prevent history from repeating itself. Even so, remember, making yourself invisible will not exactly be the answer. It may help temporarily, but if you think about it, how long must one remain in hiding from their partner for it to still be considered healthy?
If you have had it with the abuse, and if even the first time someone hits you is the limit for you, leave. No good is going to come out of feeling helpless in a situation when you can take yourself out of it. Sure, there will be stares thrown your way and it will not be easy. But, if it needs to be done, do it. If you cannot find it in your heart to forgive your partner right away, chances are that you never will. Even if you find the strength to forgive them, abuse is not easily forgotten. It would help to go for therapy as a couple because it would only show that both partners want to make the relationship work. You would not want to be in a relationship with your currently, or previously, abusive partner knowing that they don’t care about the abuse. If you choose to end it, here is a read you might find useful: https://www.askmile.com/blog/5-ways-to-make-it-easy-to-leave-your-toxic-relationship/

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