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How to get over my boyfriend who got married to someone else?

Asked by Female, 19, Single
Im in big rollercoaster of my life my bf got married .. i loved him a hell .. and cant get rid of these problm..
Answer
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Madhuri Mohan
Counselling Psychologist

I feel for you. I understand that a break up can be extremely hard to handle and can take a toll on your emotional wellbeing where you feel like you may never recover or get over this phase again. You are feeling helpless and out of control at the moment. Do not worry, the good news is that you will recover and you have the strength in you do so as long as you  believe in yourself. However, this may not happen as quickly as you wish and only with time you can heal completely. By taking this first step of seeking help is not only brave but it is also a sign that you are ready to get over your boyfriend. There a few things you can do to help cope with the emotional upheaval that you are currently in. Cut off contact with your ex completely. make sure that you do not know anything about his current life as it will only make you feel more miserable. In fact, the less you know the better it will be for you. Also, acknowledge the fact that your relationship has ended and that your ex has moved on with someone else. I know it may sound like a harsh thing but the first step in getting over someone is acceptance of your current situation. When you are able to accept these facts will you be able to move on and feel better. You can try saying the phrase "My relationship with ____ has ended and he is now happy with someone else, Bless them both" This statement is a very powerful statement, the first part is where you acknowledge the end of the relationship and the second half is where you truly let go of your anger by Let go of all the dreams and aspirations you had of the two of you being together forever. Many times what happens is that instead of focusing on the person, the focus is on the fantasy that we create about that persona nd our lives with that person in the future and by remembering these things you are invariably causing more harm to yourself. While letting go of the dream is painful, it is important to think about it more realistically. Our minds tend to go back to all the good times that we shared with our ex in order to avoid dealing with the pain. This invariably causes more pain. It becomes a vicious circle and you feel like there is no getting out. Thinking about the bad times, however, can break that cycle. Nobody is perfect and your ex may also have had his flaws, focusing on those flaws instead of all the good qualities makes you feel less painful because you begin to realize that everything was not perfect and the relationship ending is a good thing for you! write down all of his bad qualities, the things that annoyed you about him and all the fights you ever had. Associating negative thoughts with a person often helps us heal our own wounds because it decreases the attachment we feel toward that person and can help us move on. Learn to love yourself! when we love someone we allow that person to gain control over our actions and every emotion we feel is somehow related to the other person. However, when we love ourselves, we become in control of our emotions and how we feel. believing that you deserve to be in a loving relationship with someone who shares your values and treats you well requires you to look at yourself in a positive light. If you do not  think that you are beautiful, loving and deserve a loving and long lasting relationship, how would you expect the next person to come into your life think the same. People treat you the same way that you treat yourself. Therefore, if you want to truly let go and move on with your life, you need to learn to love yourself. Saying the phrase "I am calm, loving, peaceful, Intelligent person" to yourself every day standing in front of the mirror when you wake up and before going to bed will do wonders to your self-confidence and you will automatically notice a change in your thoughts and feel more happy from the inside. I hope this helps. If you feel the need to discuss further please feel free to get in touch. thanks and all the best for your journey. I believe that you will be able to overcome this pain and meet someone who is worthy of you! :) 

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