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How to have a happy relationship with spouse?
Asked by male, 40 yrs, married
I need tips on how to have a happy and smooth relationship with my spouse.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Every couple is unique in itself and depending on their individual personalities, them as a unit, and the dynamics of the relationship, you can try out multiple things to see what suits you both best.

Everyday rituals- invent some everyday rituals as a couple that you both enjoy doing for each other and for yourself and follow them religiously every single day. This will help keep the romance alive in the relationship for years to come. It can be as simple as never missing to kiss goodbye to each other when the other steps out from home for work. Have at least one meal of the day together.

Weekly/monthly rituals- Even as you have kids or live along with other members of the family, do not forget to spend time as a couple. In the process of becoming parents, remember to also continue being a spouse. Go for dinner dates/ movie dates, grab that dress and look sexy for him or grab that suit and look sexy for her, cook that meal for him, get those flowers for her. Keep trying to make efforts to impress each other and do not stop just because you now have each other. Live each day like you are still trying to pursue him/her.

Surprise him/her occasionally- you need not wait for birthdays/ anniversaries/ valentine’s day for that. Whisper sweet nothings into each others ear once in a while, leave notes for him/her on the bed/on the bathroom mirror, get creative!

Communicate- Keep the conversations alive by talking about things that matter to you both, share about your day with each other, talk about your feelings and thoughts, share common interests.

Mutual respect- Without trust, respect for each other's feelings, space, time and opinions, the foundation of the marriage will not be strong enough and with a shaky foundation, nothing built on it will survive in the long run.

Enjoy activities together- Pack those bags and make that trip! Travel together! Plan that getaway! He loves golf? Accompany him sometime! She loves pottery? Make that pot with her! Love swimming? Go for a swim together! Get a couple’s spa voucher. Give each other something to look forward to! Revisit the good old times together and cherish them!

Do not go to bed angry- aim to always resolve disputes, do not push them away. It can be hard but you can eventually work to find a pattern or rhythm that works for the both of you. Do not keep score cards/ play blame games/ keep revisiting the past/ use taunts. Remember, you both are on the same team, not against each other. Learn to be able to laugh together at each other’s little understandable mistakes.

Be each other’s strength and not weakness- Help each other grow in all aspects of life, individually, professionally, socially, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, sexually, physically in a healthy and supportive manner, not as to depend on each other in an unhealthy, enmeshed and possessive manner.

Keep the passion alive in the bedroom- ensure that you fulfil each other's sexual needs in the marriage. It should be filled with respect, sensitivity, passion and love for each other. Foreplay and afterplay is as important as the actual intercourse. Get experimental once in a while to keep away from monotony.

These are just some of the few things off the top of my head that you could try, there could be many more one could keep adding to the list. The point is to keep the efforts alive.