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How to stop being a control freak?

Asked by Female, 23, Single
I feel I am a control freak but not for everything. I want certain things to be executed in the way I want I can't let anybody else do my work. If I get some medical issue I freak out till I am cured. I just can't bear being sick. Life doesn't freak me out though. So many unexpected things happen everyday and I cope with them but for certain things I just lose myself. Why is that?
Answer
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Madhuri Mohan
Counselling Psychologist

Hi, While it is nice to want to have things done a certain way and strive for perfection in life, too much can be unhealthy. The reason why you feel the need to control things stems from some anxiety or fear you have. You need to figure out what fear this is. Since you say that you can't bear being sick, could be a sign that you feel that if you fall sick, you may lose out on certain opportunities and/ or you will become incompetent to do work. Also, you say that you do not let anybody else do your work for you further reiterates that maybe your fear and anxiety may be related to you feeling incompetent or fear of failure. These are just speculations from what you have shared with me, however, I would suggest that you seek further assistance and investigate the matter further. To Start off on your own, the first thing you would need to do is understand your fear and anxieties. Read about different types of anxiety and fear and try and observe patterns in your behavior that may give you more insight as to why you want to control certain things around you. Second, Take the help from friends and family. Seek out someone who you have an equal or reciprocal relationship with and discuss your fears and anxieties with them. They may have useful input that can lead you to understand what you're anxious about and where your fears lie. Third, start allowing others to do some work for you, and even if they do not do it the exact way you wanted it, consciously make an effort to refrain from "freaking out", instead try and appreciate the effort they put in to do the work for you. I hope this helps and can be further discussed by sending me a private message and maybe sign up for a few sessions to help you gain more clarity about this issue. :) 

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