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Husband blames me for deterioration of relationship after abortion of fetus

Asked by Female, 29, Married
My husband blames me for the deterioration in our marriage after abortion of my fetus which was suffering from organ disorder.
Thumb komal
Counseling Psychologist

I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how painful it must have been for you to have taken this decision and to have your husband not only not support you but also blame you for the loss and its effects on the relationship.

You long for his understanding, love and support but it looks like he is really hurt and angry for the loss. He seems to be feeling helpless which is resulting in him blowing off the steam on you and taking it out on the relationship. This is unfair to you both. The deterioration in the marriage is not going to help him cope with the loss, the pain, hurt and anger that he is experiencing but will only aggravate the situation by loosing out on each other's love and support and a chance for a rebuilding a future. You probably made the decision being able to foresee the consequences of having the child and probably he is unable to accept that and wished to have the child anyway. It could have to do with his beliefs about life and abortions. It might help to talk to him about his values and beliefs, get to know them and then explain to him yours.

At this time you both log for each other's love. Try communicating with him to show that you understand his pain and are on the same team with him. That you too feel the pain of having made such a tough decision. That you would love to be there for him and want the same form him. Help each other to grieve the loss and then when you both are at a better place, you both could try and work towards rebuilding a future together.

It would really help for both of you to go for marriage counselling to explore the issues in your relationship in depth and address them effectively.

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