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Husband changed after marriage, flirts, lies, beats or avoid me; I am pregnant

Asked by Female, 28, Married
I am pregnant. Its been 2 years we are married. My husband was a really a nice guy. Loving, caring, everything that a girl expects her husband to be. But now I really do not want live with my husband anymore. He has changed a lot, he drinks, he lies, he flirts even he beats me sometimes. He does everything that can be avoided very easily, but on the other hand, I tried really hard to save this relationship. But there is not a single try from his side. Whenever I talked to him he always ignores and tries to avoid me. I tried to talk to my mother in law but she takes her son's side and fights with me all the time. My husband was a divorcee and my mistake I did not listen to my parents and convinced them to let me get married to this guy. Now I am in a situation that my parents think I am happily married but the truth is I am not. And now I do not want to hurt them because if I do, my father will not be able to handle this and I am afraid this can cause him a health problem. Now there is a baby involved as well. I really want run far away from all this. What shall I do?
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help. I appreciate the time you have taken to write down your concerns. That helps me understand your environment to be able to aid you better.

From what i gather, you are currently in a difficult position with respect to your marriage. It must be so much more tough given that you are pregnant. At a time where you would have dreamed to spend this time at the peak of your love with your husband, you find yourself alone fighting for it. Although your husband was a divorcee and your parents had advised you against it, you fought for your love, for your husband seemed to be someone who every woman hopes to be. But unfortunately he seems to have changed drastically from a loving and caring husband to one who no more puts effort into this marriage. I understand that it would have been heart breaking for you to have witnessed his lies, drinking behaviour, flirting with other women and also beating you sometimes. You seemed to have tried communicating to him and putting in efforts to save this relationship but you have lost heart as these efforts have not been reciprocated. Your mother in law also seems to be of no support to you. You find it difficult to share the same with your parents given the circumstances and also your concern for your father’s health. You find yourself struggling to pretend to be happy in front of them. You wish there was an easier way to run away from all this hassle but the concern of your baby makes you give it more thought. I hope I have understood you correctly so far and please do feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

Firstly, I must acknowledge the strength in you to have been managing such a difficult situation so far, that too in absence of much of a social support. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to do so single handedly.

Secondly, in order to help me understand more about you and your situation so that I may be in a better position to be able to aid you further, could you tell me more about your marriage? How have the three years been so far? When did the problems start and what according to you started them? Also, could you tell me more about you and your husband as individuals? I am also concerned about the beating you mentioned that you sometimes witness from your husband. Could you elaborate on that? Since you are with child, the safety of you and your baby is of utmost importance.

And lastly, I understand that you wish you could just run away but at the same time are stopped by the thought of your child. So in what way would you like me to help you?

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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