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Husband expects me to help MIL during recovery from leg injury

Asked by Female, 27, Married
Hi, I have recently faced a leg injury and it has been plastered since a month, a week later the plaster is off. I have started traveling to the office, though the doctor has restricted me to. Whenever I am home my husband keeps pointing out when I don't help my mom in law in household stuff, I expect him to understand that I am still weak, though he says just do it for Courtesy, when I can't-do it, I just can't help it. Is this a problem due to his lack of concern towards me? We have been fighting over this since a week. It has been only 5 months of marriage, and it is a love marriage. He never gave me that comfort level and pampered me during this injury, at times he didn't even know if I am on medication or not. Whenever we discuss this, he says that he is expecting too much from me, he also says won't my brother expect the same! But my point is the timing of the problem. Kindly advise.
Answer
Thumb dr. joseph george new
Dr. Joseph
Counseling Psychologist

Hello Writer,

Thank you for giving me further details about your marriage. During the four years of courtship there was no tension at all but during the wedding there was tension on dowry related matters. You feel deeply frustrated that your husband does not understand you well even when you are in physical pain and not able to stand to do the household chores. It is not that you have not done anything to help his mother but you are not meeting the expectations. His unhappy face, negative remarks and shouting at you deeply disturbed. I know you carry a lot of pain with you within 5 months of your marriage.

During the wedding there was some discussion about your parents following their cultural practices which included giving money. Of course, I agree that you were upset with it. You expected your husband to stand up and stop those discussions but he did not do. Finally, you stood for yourself and your family. What was the basic issue? Did they expect a lot of money from your family? Is it that in your cultural situation there is no such practices? During the courtship period was there any discussion on the dowry issue? Did this issue affect your relationship?

You and your husband employed. You have a maid for helping with domestic chores. Your husband criticise you for not getting up early, being with his mother in the kitchen, and not satisfied with whatever you do. You are also an employed person like him. This is something you need to bring to his attention when both of you are in a happy mood. Managing domestic affairs in modern families are very different from the traditional families.

You also need to share with him how deeply you are hurt when he did not understand the discomfort and pain during the fracture of your leg and that anyone would expect some extra care which you missed. What is more hurting is his expectation that you go and stand with his mother in the kitchen. This is also something you need to express and explain without complaining.

You might have got a lot of pampering during the courtship period but the post-wedding period you did not find any pampering which is a normal expectation. Is there a difference between the courtship period interactions and the the post-wedding interactions?

Do you have any issues with your mother-in-law? Any other of his family members?
Do they have any issue with your family?
How often do you argue and fight?
Is that reducing the quality time between two of you?
Is that also affecting the physical-sexual happiness in marriage?
Any other issues that your counsellor needs to know.

Please respond with further details.

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