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Husband flirts casually with friend but not with me

Asked by Female, 31, Married
My husband does not flirt with me or appreciate me. But he casually flirts with his old friend.
Thumb komal
Counseling Psychologist

When it comes to flirting while being in a relationship, there's a very thin line between what's acceptable and what's not. You are distressed with the fact that your husband does not flirt with you or appreciate you. You long for his attention. However, he has no issues flirting with an old friend. It's possible that that's the relationship he has been sharing with her till date. However, that does not account for what's lacking for you in the marriage.

Perhaps it would help for you to speak your heart to him about how you feel about this and what you would want for him. Explore and try to understand his reasons behind his behaviour. See if there is anything that you can do to bring about a change in his behaviour. If you're uncomfortable, talk to him about setting boundaries outside of the relationship. While having such conversations, it's important to remember to be sensitive while talking, carefully choosing your words such that the focus is on arriving at the solution and not so much on blaming and fault-finding. In communicating, more than what is being said, what matters is how it is being said. Take responsibility for what you both are bringing to the relationship and explore ways together that are mutually acceptable as possible solutions to the issues.

However, if you suspect that it is more than just harmless flirting and it makes you uncomfortable, it might require you to take a call on what's acceptable to you and what's not in the relationship and the consequences for the same.

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