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Husband ignores my family, refuses to discuss

Asked by Female, 31, Married
My husband does not want to stay in touch with my parents, but is unwilling to let me do the same for his parents. He criticizes me for visiting my family.
Answer
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Salma Prabhu
Clinical Psychologist

Hello,

Thank you for seeking help in this matter and trying to find a mature solution. I can understand how sad you must be feeling when the person you are committed to share your life with does not want to share few moments with the near and dear ones who raised you.

When one gets married, it is not just the culmination of two souls, but it is the meeting of two families. They come together to see their beloved children united in matrimony and raise a new lovely world.

The woman especially leaves her dear and near ones and is created by god in a manner with privileges and at the same time responsibilities to create this new world. The woman does expect that the man she is marrying also adopts the same attitude. This expectation is the root cause of all the problems. As the man is not bestowed with these abilities.

In my tenure if 33 years of counselling, I have seen that maximum separations happen because of the following statement which is "My Mother, Your Mother" in short the reason for arguments and feelings of discontentment between a husband and wife. Even in all th jokes the mother inlaw especially of the woman becomes the butt of it.

I m grqteful that you were about to make the same mistake, but you took this step of finding a different way to the solution then the easy way, which is separation. Separation will be the most easy way and it will leave you feeling incomplete that you did not do complete justice to make the relationship work.

Now let me explain to you from the psychology of the man. The man gets married and feels very possessive about the woman. She becomes the person whom he wants to love and receive all her love. He does not want to share her love with anyone, sometimes man is also jealous of the child who is born especially if it is a boy. The man does not like that the person he has married gives any attention to anyone else. I have been married for 29 years to a wonderful man, but have seen some glimpses of this possessiveness in the beginning too.
I would ask you to take a complete reverse approach to what you have been taking and thinking.
Start appreciating how much he wants you for himself.
Give time initially for him to get completely fulfilled of your presence and attention
Make him the most loved and wanted person in your life
Make his family more important than anyone else
Win over the love and affection of everyone.
Watch the results in few months.
Your parents will always be yours. It is time first to make his parents yours.
See the magic unfolding automatically.
Do not ask him why he is not interacting with your family. Tell your parents, give some time all will be fine.
Take the most mature step and do not succumb to high drama and emotions which u see happening around.
Woman is a very strong creation of god. Prove that you can move mountains and silently, lovingly, with a positive approach and vision.
Lastly one more secret I am giving you. Instead of voicing, keep visualising what you want. For example, if your want your husband to be warm, affectionate, talk and mingle with your parents and the family, keep visualising that scene and how you are feeling at that time, especially when you wake up and when you sleep. Keep thanking god in advance for that day to have happened and practice forgiveness for all.
All your dreams will come true.

Wishing you a long happy married life with both the families being together happily.

With magical love

Salma

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