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Husband refuses to set up house with me and our son

Asked by Female, 42, Married
I would like to know how to deal with a husband who has repeatedly failed to set up a home with me and our son. He is concerned only for his parents, widowed sister who is well settled and fights with me if i question him and try to seek his involvement in my life
Answer
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Salma Prabhu
Clinical Psychologist

Hello,

I guess you have approached for help after going through a lot of torment in your mind and lot of efforts from your side to make your husband concentrate on you and your son rather than his parents and sister.

When a woman gets married in our culture, her family does not expect her to keep paying attention to them as right from childhood it is said that the girl will go to her husbands house. However somewhere down the line, the nuclear family set up has led to forgetting that going to husbands house means he already has a house where he has a family who has been with him and who is dependent on him, many a times not for finance but for love, care and attention. A wife is someone who is married to him to become his partner and also help him to continue giving love care and attention to his family. They also become her family now.

When we feel that now the husband is married and his responsibility is only wife and children is where all the issues begin of your mother, my mother, your father my father. Please remember that you are a woman, who is very strong, able, capable and god has filled you with love, ability to nurture, take care, even run a home with your abilities. You have more of all this because it can be shared now with your husband and his family.

Change your thoughts, change your approach, your husbands parents and his sister are also your family and the family of your son.

This might sound too karmic, but in future, if your son comes in the similar situation, would you like him to ignore you and focus on his wife and child only.

You are a role model, the way you present the situation is what your son will learn.

Instead of spending your energy in making your husband focus only on you and your son, put your loving energy to become your husbands support to take care of the entire family. Your changed attitude and approach will gain you a lot of respect and love from everyone. Why do want to settle only for your husbands attention and love when you can get everyone's love, attention and respect.

I pray for you happiness in being with everyone and especially becoming the real life partner in the true sense.

With magical love

Salma

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