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I am getting attracted towards my childhood friend, after communication gap with husband

Asked by Female, 40, Married
I m 40 year old, mother of 15 year old boy n 6 year old girl. Married for 18 years. I have had a successful married life in all terms but lately I have involved with my childhood friend to whom I get in touch after 30 years. We have not met but will be meeting soon at our school's reunion. We have become so close while talking on phone that we want to get physically involved too. All this got serious after sudden communication gap between me and my husband. I do not want to loose my friend and worried about my marriage too. I am in a total fix at times and feel how does it matter it is my life but then think about my family too.
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Kiran Lakhani
Counselling Psychologist


I understand you are in dilemma these days, where one side you have your family which you love and the other side you are getting attracted to the attention you are getting from a friend which these days is missing from your husband.

There are different ways to look at this situation which will help you get perspective into your situation.

For example,

is it the adventure that you are liking after a monotonous life that you have been living? (you can explore adventure with your husband too)

OR is it the infatuation which is making you think of doing things that you would not do otherwise? (Infatuations fade away soon, wait for some time)

OR is it that you miss your husband so much that you are trying to fill that gap with your friend? (talk to your husband openly)

Are you willing to leave everything that you have built for this new found infatuation? (if its both sided long lost love and companionship)

Has the friend expressed a vision of both of you having a future together? Are you willing to leave everything behind? Is it temporary or you feel it is going to last a lifetime?

Once you go through these questions and introspect, you will get a fair idea as to what are your feelings and how do you want to act on them, you might also want to think about what all is at stake in both the decisions. To stay in this marriage and with happy family or to go with the friend and start everything new.

Its not a easy decision, don't pressurise yourself to take the decision quickly. Take time. Take time to understand your own self, your feelings, your wishes and desires and then take a decision.

I hope this helps.

All the best.

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