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I am in love with my close friend but she is in touch with her ex. Feeling insecure!

Asked by Male, 20, Single

There's a little thing that is bothering me a lot. There's this girl who's a real close friend of mine. I really love her and she knows it as I have confessed a few times. I've known her for just one year, but in this one year, she has been a very important person for me. Now what's happening is that her ex, contacts her every day and although she tells me that she doesn't like him any more or doesn't pick up his calls or reply to messages, but I feel she doesn't stick to what she tells. When we have a conversation about her ex, she tells me that she talks to him sometimes and she wants to meet him and all. The catch is that they were in a relationship for a few years, but they have never met in person. Now when the dude gets in contact with her, she completely ignores my messages and doesn't reply me back. It hurts me a lot because I know how much importance I have given to her. I am sure if they meet, they'd fall back in a relationship again. I know it would make her happy but it makes me feel very bad. Could you please suggest me a way as to how can I get out of this mess? If I stay in touch, I know it'd hurt me more but I am not able to cut off.

Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered almost 2 years ago

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. I understand you are upset about the situation you are in. What I would like you to clarify is if your friend feels the same way for you?
Unless she's your girlfriend, she is free to interact with whomever she chooses. I understand it hurts you to see your friend give her ex more importance over you. It makes you feel rejected. If she sees you only as a friend while for you clearly it's a lot more than that and therefore your expectations from her are also well beyond that of a friend which is something she can't fulfill whether or not she was interacting with her ex. I think you are finding it hard to accept this. At this point the choice is yours, to either wait for her to warm up to you or to let her go. If you feel some distance will help you then you should do that. I think the reason you get back in touch everytime is possibly because you keep hoping that it will be different. I wonder if you fear letting her go because you know it will hurt to let go.
Please message back to let me know what you think. Regards

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