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Issues with wife due to her intense insecurity
Asked by female, 34 yrs, married
My wife is extremely insecure and prevents me from achieving my goals due to her unreasonable behavior. Currently, she is not allowing me to take interviews. Help!
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

I hear that your wife is not comfortable with you taking interviews. She seems to fear the security in the relationship.

Insecurities creep into due to a lot of reasons: past experience, experience of childhood while growing up, some instances or evidence as basis for the insecurity, self doubt, among many other to begin with. Try to gauge what makes your wife feel insecure and where this is stemming from.
What you could try telling her is this "Honey, I know you're perhaps needing to feel more secure in this relationship. I want to know what makes you feel this way and perhaps I could do something to make you feel better about it. I'm here to hear you. At the same time I would also like to share with you why I need to go for interviews, hoping that you would understand me just as I am trying to understand you. My hope is that we are able to mutually come up with a decision that we agree upon in the best of both our interests." Hold her hand as you say to her "we'll figure it out together, don't worry".

Having a conversation such as this will create a space for mutual understanding and pave way for a safe space to resolve conflicts together in the marriage rather than just stating what you both want and resulting in frequent fights. Such fights result when both of you are talking but neither of you are actually listening to what the other intends to say.

Try to reassure her of your love and commitment towards her in this marriage and restore the faith and trust in you and in this relationship.