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Lack of self-confidence, worried about future, feel worthless without a relationship

Asked by Female, 21, Single
I am 21 student of b.a I lack self confidence,theres a fear in me about future happening also I want to be in relationship with someone but both my career and relationship equally matters as I am single sometimes there nothing like excitement or surprises in my or the one who can make me feel special.i feel worthless
Answer
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Madhuri Mohan
Counselling Psychologist

Hi, I understand that at your age it is important to think about the future with regard to career and relationships.  Also, this is the time where all your peers have exciting things to share about their lives and you may feel that you do not have enough going on and that is making you feel worthless and lacking in self-confidence. However, there are two different issues to be addressed that is causing you to lose confidence. The first issue is that of your career. While choosing your career, you must first understand your personality, what kind of person are you? and what person you would like to be? once you understand these two questions, then you need to write down what are the areas that you are interested in and what kind of activities bring you happiness. This will give you clarity on what career path you should choose and it will also give you the confidence to discuss these views with others. When you are unsure, you become hesitant and that makes you lose confidence. But when you are sure, you know what you want and how to achieve it, then you are more open to sharing the same with others and this builds confidence. It would be advisable to seek the help of a professional career guidance counselor to figure out which career path to choose. Today there are different assessments to choose from to help gain clarity on the subject. The second issue is that of wanting to be in a relationship. While it always nice to have that special someone in your life, it is more important first to love yourself. Only when you are able to love yourself and you see how awesome you are will others also notice the same qualities in you and be attracted to those qualities. The Excitement should lie in discovering yourself and not in having another person discover you. Tell yourself every day morning and night how beautiful, intelligent and loving you are. Believe in yourself and if you don't then ask your friends and family to list out all the great qualities you have that draws them toward you. You will see how much of an impact you have on them and that is more exciting than being in a relationship. Yes with time, you will find that someone to make you feel extra special but until then, please do not doubt how special you already are to yourself, your friends and family, and many many other people in your life.  Self-love is the first step to building confidence and self-worth. So take that first step and make a conscious effort to change. I hope this helps. Feel free to get in touch if you need further guidance with regards to your career as well as helping you build confidence. Thanks. :) 

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