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Lack of support from husband in taking care of baby

Asked by Female, 35, Married
Hi am in total confused state of mind. My baby is nearing 15 months. My hubby doesn't like the concept of day care or maids looking after the baby. So I quit work. All baby's activities daily and even weekend is done by me with support of my dad who stay with me. My hubby from morning till evening works and before work or after work spends more time in rewinding himself by watching tv or playing games on mobile. Running after the baby etc is very very minimal. Always give excuses my back is painting but won't show the doctor that's why not running after baby. He loves the baby but all hard work I should do. Second issue is he is a spendthrift so no matter who much he earns within 15 days of salary coming he will have only peanuts left yet he doesn't want me to work. He hates and never discusses savings investments with me because he doesn't do investments. Thirdly no physical intimacy we since always says I am tired or moves away. Last time we had sex in March then in April whole month me and baby were out of town from. May we are here but work pressure was so high. Not even thinking of sex. So no financial security no physical intimacy no child help. Weekends is also very occasionally then why am I in this relation. He is not ready for second child when I want it.
Answer
Thumb sneha jayagopal
Sneha
Psychotherapist

Dear writer, thank you for writing in. It takes courage to reach out for help. I understand you are feeling confused about what you need to do. You take care of your child and quit your work to manage it because your husband wasn't comfortable with the idea of you working .
Was this ever a point of issue between the two of?
It upsets you when he doesn't contribute in taking care of your baby. You feel he excuses himself.
Although you understand he works a lot, his idea of unwinding doesn't include family time. He keeps himself occupied with his gadgets. I think it makes you feel like you are not important enough.
His finances are a bit of a mess. You feel he spends to much money and doesn't have nearly enough savings or investments. He doesn't show interest in discussing financial plans with you. I think this make you anxious. Not having financial security and being the only one worrying over it can make your husband seem unreliable.
There is no sexual intimacy between the two of you. You feel he doesn't show an interest or doesn't respond to you. This can make you feel rejected.
I think it hurts you to see your husband uninvolved and wonder where this is all heading.
I would like to understand you and your situation better. Please answer the following questions.
Could you tell me more about yourself and your husband as individuals?
How long have you been married?
When would you say the problems started?
Was there any incident or change that might have affected your husband's behaviour?
Please message back to continue discussing. I am here to help. Regards

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