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Lonely and emotionally unfulfilled in marriage

Asked by Female, 34, Married
I have an unhappy marriage because I feel lonely and my emotional needs are not met.
Thumb komal
Counseling Psychologist

Thank you for writing in to us. Recognising when you need help and reaching out for the same is the first courageous step to be able to take towards a better self.

One enters into marriage with dreams of hoping to start a new journey with their partner that is filled with love and happiness. For a happy and successful marriage, both partners need to be equally invested to work towards it. With the basic emotional needs not met and enduring a feeling of loneliness even with your partner is certainly not why someone enters into a marriage. I can imagine your pain and agony.

What you could do is to try and figure out what is making your partner be emotionally unavailable to you. Some of the common reasons could be
incompatible personalities,
not emotionally invested in the relationship/ lack of interest towards the partner,
unaware of partner's emotional needs,
work pressure/ tension/ emotional exhaustion,
unaware of how to meet partner's needs,
partner's emotional needs not being met by you.

It would help for you to explore what your partner's reason(s) could be for not being emotionally invested in you. You could then have a talk with your partner regarding the same and mutually come up with ways you could cater to these concerns. Try to see what you both enjoy doing, do those things together. See what your partner's emotional needs are and cater to them. Express to your partner your emotional needs in the relationship and suggest ways of how he/she can cater to it.

It would also help for you to have a close friend/family member to talk to about this. Speaking with someone who understands you can help you unload a lot of weight off your back.
Indulge in activities that you enjoy for you self.

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