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My husband is highly egoistic, gets offended and won't speak if I raise my voice

Asked by Female, 37, Married
My husband is highly egoistic. Even if i raise my voice a little, he gets offended and won't spk with me for months. How to change his behaviour?
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

I can understand how difficult that must be for you to live with. It can get difficult to handle someone's ego and to always be on a watch to ensure that they don't feel offended. It's almost as if it stops you from being able to express your anger to him. And even if you do, he ends up holding it against you for months.

For starters, it might help for you to explore what makes him feel so offended by you speaking with a raised voice. What about it leads him to holding it up against you for months. Try to understand what's beneath his ego. Help him see that you're on his side and are willing to help him with whatever it is that he is struggling with.

Next, it might help for you to explore how better can you deal with a situation that makes you angry instead of raising your voice at him. Perhaps there's a better way for you to be able to express your anger to your husband without raising your voice at him? Give those ways a try. Discuss with him how better to deal with such situations together.

Knowing that you both are on the same side would perhaps help him want to deal better with his behaviour towards you too.

Try to think of situations when you/ him/ both handled it well or were able to resolve an issue or get back together after a fight. What made that possible? Is that something that you both could focus on building more on that would help build on the strengths of your relationship to help you both handle the weak situations in your relationship in a better manner.

Considering going for couple's counseling also is something for you both to think about that could help your situation better.

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