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My short-temper and misbehavior due to childlessness, miscarriages making him terrible!

Asked by Female, 24, Married
I get angry at everything my husband says. I get hurt very easily. I know I am getting angry and shout without any proper reason but I can't help it. I feel like I am making him feel terrible because of my behavior. I don't understand why I get angry. I have many things running in my mind. Just for silly reasons, many things come to my mind and I just can't help but get upset and angry with my husband. My problems are many such as I have no kids, I am not pregnant, I have faced two miscarriages and my husband is into job hunting, Kindly help
Answer
Thumb sneha jayagopal
Sneha
Psychotherapist

Dear Writer, I appreciate your having written in. At the outset it is commendable that you are aware and are able to address that you have an anger issue and that it is affecting your marriage. Now let's get to the heart of the matter. Your anger is a symptom and a cover for a deep underlying unhappiness and it might have to do with your miscarriages/pregnancy. How long have you both been trying to start a family? The ordeal of trying to get pregnant is hard enough emotionally, add to that your miscarriages must have been very painful and traumatic to deal with. It takes a toll on one, physically and emotionally. Here in lies your misery I think. Do you think you might still be grieving your miscarriages?
You also said that there are lot of things on your mind and I wonder if they have to do with your difficulties with pregnancy. It's a frustrating and draining experiencing for couples who are trying to get pregnant and it often tests the strength of their relationship. It can break a couple apart or bring them closer and become each others support. I wonder if you feel supported and understood by your husband or maybe you are pushing him away rather than let him be there for you. What is getting in the way of you letting your husband know what you are going through? Your misery and anger about your recent struggles is making you explode and the only available target happens to be your husband. I don't think you intend to hurt him or make him feel bad but your own unresolved pain is making you lash out. Your anxiety about the fate of your marriage is perfectly valid because you realise that this manner of lashing out is destructive. So take a little breather and give yourself some time to focus on yourself and take care of yourself. Sometimes it is recommended that a couple take a small break from trying to get pregnant if it gets too taxing. Spending time with each when every thought isn't about trying to get pregnant can help you decompress and focus on the relationship and that in turn helps with intimacy. Remember that at the end of the day you both still have each other and that's plenty to be thankful for. So learn to turn to your husband for comfort when you really need it and don't isolate yourself in your grief.

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