My wife has OCD, mood swings, irritability, wants to be separate. How to save my marriage?

Dear writer, I understand that your situation has left you feeling very frustrated, hurt and above all confused.
Before I address the matter any further what is important to clarify is whether your wife has a confirmed diagnosis of OCD and if she's on any psychological/ psychiatric treatment? Is there a family history of any mental disorder?
Why this is important to clarify is so that we know what you are up against. It's natural for you to have your own parameters and expectations from your partner. While it is not always possible to have all our expectations met, one can arrive at an acceptable compromise and continue working on the relationship. Your relationship is a young one at that and there's a lot you have yet to discover. What you have to ask yourself is whether the things you have discovered are truly something you can deal with. Having a partner suffering from a psychiatric condition is not an impossible situation to deal with neither is it a cakewalk; provided you inform yourself and use help in the form of family therapy and in your wife's case individual therapy. It is not about what you are doing wrong but perhaps understanding what her illness is about and her day to day experience of living with this condition . It can help you be more empathetic and understanding towards her suffering. If she does indeed have OCD I can assure you that despite whatever support you think you are giving her, every thought in her mind is probably consumed with this. OCD can literally take over a person's life and with the right kind of support and help it is manageable. It is not easy for someone suffering from OCD to deal with the demands of marital life and adhere to domestic duties because the mental condition ensures that they are in a constant state of stress and anxiety where their rituals, however bizarre, is the only thing controlling the anxiety; added to that her health issues make it difficult to focus on your needs. It might be possible that leaving home and moving in with you was a stark awakening that she may not have been ready for at all. Change isn't easy for anyone but harder for some. You might have to give her that tiime to come to terms with her reality. Secondly and more importantly there's also the regret and resentment you are feeling about this marriage. In order to hold on to the marriage you have work on letting go of your resentment. You have to be sure to that you are in it for the right reasons. Societal judgment and family honor might have to become secondary reasons if you want her to be invested in you as well. You have yet to find a common platform to relate to each other and right now her health and psychological issues might be the platform to work with. She needs to relate to you and you have to be more relatable to her.
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