My wife is saying her affair is over, but I can't trust

Thank you for writing in. It does take tremendous courage to be open about your crisis.

To ensure we are working towards a productive solution, can you help me first understand what you mean by 'depression'. The reason I ask is that it is alright to feel 'low' under your circumstances. However, if you have symptoms of clinical depression, that needs to be addressed by a qualified physician and addressed urgently. I can recommend the person you should see.

Beyond that, I can work with you towards making decisions. We have to be very clear about what has happened in the past and what you think is still ongoing. It is good if you have found the emotional will to bury the past but it does not help to be suspicious' - it is either continuing or it is not. It cannot be both.

For a moment, let us assume that your wife is being honest. In that case, I can work with you to on improving your relationship and truly burying your past - so that the past does not become part of your daily life - too often it does.

Now let us assume that she not being truthful. In that case, we need to approach it differently and move towards, establishing the facts and then, making the appropriate decisions. I look forward to hearing from you.