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Need help for rebellious teenage daughter

Asked by Female, 46, Married
Hi.i hv been married for last 23 yrs. Never had a good relations with my husband. He has been jobless fr nearly 18 yrs. I hv 2 kids. A son who just completed his engineering this yr and my daughter is studying mass media. My problem is that recently i discovered my daughter smokes n drinks. She has a lot of male friends. Very few female friends. There has been so much of lies and lies from her in her growing up yrs.she has been a v difficult child for me. I want to help her but she herself does not feel she doing anything wrong. I dont know how to help her. I m feeling so helpless. I dont get sleep at might thinking abt her. I feel guilty that my upbringing has gone wrong. Feel like ending my life sometimes. I hv lived only for children
Answer
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Chandni Gandhi
Counselling Psychologist

Dear parent,

i am sure you have gone through a lot and so has your daughter, when we talk about her having lot of friends who are male, then let me assure you it is completely normal, she has right to choose gender of person who she wants to be friends with, and if that means more boys, be it so, it should not bother you unless you feel friends are harmful to her, she will end up in some serious trouble because of them, irrespective of their gender.

when you say, she feels she is not doing anything wrong i assume you have already tried speaking with her about it. Making her feel that she is doing something wrong or she needs some kind of help will only drive her away from you, rather just let her talk and in conversation make her feel safe to be who she is, some trust on her will help you get through her.

and last point if she is still minor you can direct and tell her she cannot drink or smoke legally and you may take some action if she does not stop however if she is not, understanding her, accepting who she is and her decisions regarding anything will help her in talking to you, and only once she opens up you can express your views slowly.

if you can accept her more only then she will be able to do the same for you

hope this helps, and if there is need to discuss anyfurther please write back to us

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