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No sex in marriage. Husband wants to prove I am worthless!

Asked by Female, 32, Married
It's been 4 months since we are in arranged marriage relationship. I was very happy that I am getting married to him as I had liked him. But we didn't have any courtship as he always said he was busy. There is no sex or any physical touch from him ever since we got married. He is always underestimating me and trying to put me down. And always wants to take credit for himself and doesn't not appreciate my presence. I am giving my best, trying to be a good wife by keeping the house neat, cooking and serving him , taking care of him and his family. But with every passing day my determination of separating is getting stronger. Even if I tell him the distance between us hurts me. He says I can't help I am not attracted to you. No matter how much effort I put in, it goes unnoticed and he is always trying to prove that he does everything and I am worthless. But makes me run errands, clean this, bring that, you didn't do this. You can't do so much also. Doesn't understand that I too am a working woman and I too have my meetings, my goals. If always his work, his rest , his calls, his weekends, his sleep is important then where am I? I really don't want to live in this marriage.
Thumb sneha jayagopal

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. I understand that your situation is frustrating and hurtful for you. Love, intimacy, respect and trust are extremely important in a relationship and you are entitled to expect the same from your partner. You are doing everything you can to help your situation and you need your partner to meet you halfway as well. Do you wonder if he had any reservations to this marriage? At this point whatever the reservation, if it doesn't seem to be coming from you then you have to ask yourelf, what is holding your husband back? Ask yourself, does he seem happy to be around you? Does your presence trigger him negatively even though you aren't doing anything to particularly upset him? Making him happy is not in your hands if he doesn't want to partake. How do you communicate your feelings and issues with him? Even though he hasn't responded, do you think that changing tactics might work for you? Perhaps instead of saying "I have a problem..." Could you try, "I can see that you are unhappy and I wonder if our marriage has anything to do with it?" You could try putting the focus on his feelings and he might want to talk to you then. This is a new relationship and it hasn't gotten off to a great start, but that need not define your future. You can suggest that you could both could start with atleast being friendly. It does help to set an ultimatum as well. And if you want to be treated with respect, then treat yourself with respect too. You can't possibly keep doing things to appease your husband if you don't get feel good about it and if you don't get any validation from him. You could tell him calmly that you are reconsidering you interest in the relationship and see how he responds. That might give you a cue to what you need to do next. Do not be disheartened. Please message back to continue our discussion.

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