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Our long-distance marriage is not working
Asked by female, 30 yrs, married
Our long-distance marriage is not working due to various reasons. What can we do?
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Whether a relationship can work or not depends upon the two individuals involved, be it a long distance relationship or not. True that long distance relationships have their pros and cons and require more effort and hardships to face for both partners but if both are willing to make an effort to work, it is definitely possible.

For starters, it is important for both partners to be aware of what they are getting into. Anticipate common barriers you may need to overcome and prepare for them beforehand. Ensure that both you and your partner are on the same ground in terms of understanding the dynamics of a long distance relationship.

-Schedule your time. Living in different cities/countries will mean that both of you will have different social groups and activities to keep you occupied throughout the day. Ensure that both of you have a time set aside for each other and stick to it. Make sure that if you are not going to be available at the said time, inform your partner beforehand, explaining your reasons for the same and plan to make up for it the next time.

-Dealing with insecurities. One of the major reasons for why long distance relationships may seem like quite a task is that because you are unable to see your partner frequently, chances are that you might feel insecure and may doubt your partner/ have trust issues/ try to bombard them with questions about their whereabouts and constantly want their attention or eventually loose interest due to the absence of their physical presence. Make it a habit to communicate to your partner about your feelings and mutually find a way to deal with it.

-Scheduled visits. Not being able to meet your partner frequently may want to make you visit them as much as you can. However, avoid that. As this may only cause you trouble in the long run. Too less a number of visits is also not a wise choice. Talk and decide with your partner about what may be an appropriate number of visits to each other. Time them well along the year with appropriate gaps.

-Give time and space to each other. Ensure that you do not forget to give each other enough space and time. Do not, in the name of a long distance relationship, try and justify constant attention seeking behaviour. The more you pursue them, the more distant they will go. Respect each other’s personal space and time.

-You can plan little surprises, sending gifts/cards occasionally to express your love to your partner. Because in long distance relationships physical needs are not met that frequently, you will need to compensate that with words and actions. Reassure your partner of your love, presence and commitment.