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Parental disapproval for marriage with foreigner, partner hurt and angry

Asked by Male, 26, In relationship
My partner is a foreigner and my parents do not approve of our marriage. She is angry and hurt at my rejection. I am unhappy about it. What to do?
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

It is difficult to be caught between family and love. The choice is not an easy one to make indeed.

One of the things you can do is to get to speak with your parents' about their disapproval of this marriage. Get to know their concerns and see if they can be addressed along with your girlfriend and her family as well. Try to understand what they would need form your partner to be able to approve of the match. If possible, see if you can get them to see how your partner is meeting those needs. Provide them strong reasons to see why this is a good match that they should approve of instead of taking a defensive or an attack approach that is likely to make them adamant and not be willing to hear it out.

If despite having tried everything to convince them, nothing seems to work, then you are only left with a choice to make between your family and you girlfriend.

It seems that you have already made a choice of your family and are unhappy that your rejection has hurt your partner. As difficult as it is to live with, it is no less true that you cannot always have the cake and eat it too. You made an informed choice knowing well the consequences of it. your partner is only naturally hurt by feeling rejected and that is something you both have to live with and come to terms with. Give her her time and space to be able to feel the anger, the sadness and then go through the process of finally accepting your decision. It is her process to live and you cannot (as much as you would want to) take away the pain from a wound.

At the same time, hurting her has left you hurt too. You too need to be patient with yourself in being able to go through the process of coming to terms with the end of the relationship as well. At most, you could get her friends and family to be there with her through the difficult times. Do not try to be her saviour yourself. It is not your place to do so anymore. The longer you take to maintain your boundaries, the longer and harder it will be to reach acceptance.

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