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"Parents disapprove of Inter-caste marriage"

Asked by Female, 23, Single
Hello, I am in a relationship from one and half years and we both are very happy. But it's an intercaste relationship. My parents are very conservative and think people who marry out of caste are not fit to part of the family. But I can't think of marrying someone else. If I marry him my parents will be hurt very much. If I don't I have to live my entire life in guilt with someone else. Please advise
Answer
Thumb sneha jayagopal
Sneha
Psychotherapist

Dear writer, I appreciate your having written in. Well what's apparent in your situation is that you know what your options are and you are dreading it. There's no easier or painless option available. But do not be lose heart. The most important choices and decisions in life are often the hardest and yours is no different. Yes you risk hurting your parents should you choose to marry your partner and should you leave your boyfriend then there's the pain that not only you and your boyfriend might go through but also the hurt and unhappiness you and a new partner might face if you can't reconcile with your choice.
Consider this, is not possible for you to work on making your parents see eye to eye with you? It sounds like you haven't yet told them about your boyfriend and unless you do you can only assume how bad their reactions might be. Firstly, are you convinced that your partner is in it for the long haul or not. If yes then you might have to bite the bullet on this one and atleast try letting your parents know. What comes after can be handled as and when you experience it. One step at a time. Either the situation explodes and you figure how to assuage and convince your parents or maybe you find out that they can be convinced after all and it was never going to be as bad as you imagined. You have to find out either way. Try sitting them down and talking to them calmly. Try not to lose your cool and react strongly. To have them believe that you chose the right partner, you have to believe it strongly too. Allow you parents to see you for the responsible adult that you are, who has enough conviction to stand by her decisions and can be trusted to make the right choices. That often involves giving your parents time to come to terms with this and accept your decision.

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