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Partner does not spend quality time with me

Asked by Female, 40, Married
My partner does not have time for me. What should I do?
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Having a partner and no quality time being spent together is an unpleasant situation to be in.

Reasons why a partner might not have time for the other could be because of stress/ fatigue/ health issues/ too much work on their plate/ loosing interest in partner/ cheating/ lack of being able to come to common grounds or common interests on what to do during the quality time/ different time zones if in a long distance relationship/ mis-match of time schedules due to work schedules/ too much time take up by other social groups such as family or friends or colleagues, etc.
Figure out what makes your partner not be able to spend quality time with you. Is he/she even willing to spend quality time with you or it is only your need? For any issues in a relationship to work, both partners need to be willing to work towards it. A one-sided effort does not prove to be effective and long lasting in the long run.

Once the reasons are figured out, communicate with your partner your concerns in a way that does not sound accusatory but rather an opportunity to work towards a solution.
Saying "you do not spend enough time with me!" is less productive than saying something like "I wish we could spend more time with each other. Can we talk about what we can do about this? I would love to hear your thoughts on it!"

Start small. Take up one small step towards making one small change in one of the barriers you found to your issue. Gradually increase in addressing to other steps towards as many issues as possible. Remember, consistency is the key. Even if it is only one step that you both have decided to take on in a long time, it is okay.

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