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Partner wants me to mold myself according to his personality

Asked by Female, 29, In relationship
My partner wants me to react to situations as per his expectations. He is irritable and angry all the time. I cannot change my personality to suit him. How do we deal with this?
Thumb komal
Counseling Psychologist

It can get quite frustrating to have your partner want to change you as per their needs and expectations. That does not seem to be accepting of him towards you. When in a relationship, we want for our partners to accept us for who we are and bring change in us only towards inspiring us to becomes the best version of our own self.
No two people have the same temperament and neither should anyone be expected to have. Unless your reactions are socially unacceptable, his need seems to be unreasonable and inconsiderate towards you. And this certainly does not justify his anger and irritation towards you. You are aware that you cannot, and more importantly that you do not want to, change your personality to suit his needs. This is indeed a courageous stand to take for yourself.
When things are calm, talk about the relationship. You can start the conversation by saying “You’re important to me and I want you in my life, however, here are some things in this relationship that are deal-breakers for me. My hope is that we can work them out and the only way that could happen is if I tell you clearly what they are.” Then explain instances you found unacceptable to you and suggest ways of resolving those issues mutually.

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