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Rejection in love but cannot get over girl

Asked by Male, 20, Single
There's this situation i'm in, which I think loads of people have been in. Need a solution to this. Here's the story: 1. I love a girl, but she doesn't feel the same for me. 2. We both are in same college, and are musicians, so we perform 'together' as well. 3. She says she has no time for love, and doesn't want to be in love, and she wants to be a big big artist and wants to play for 10000000000x people. That's her dream, and she wants to focus on that. 4. She talks about her Ex, about what he used to call her and stuff. She, at times, calls him 'bad news', but when she talks about him, I feel like she misses him, and I am just interrupting. Though, she has NEVER met him. He still calls her sometimes. 5. She says to me that 'She isn't good for me.' But I feel the best with her. 6. I get really hurt when she talks about her ex, and when she says she doesn't want to be with me. 7. WE CHAT EVERYDAY !! I first met this girl 8 months back. I meet her in person nearly everyday now, and we chat everyday. We share same interests in music too. So i'm very much attached to her. 8. I tried to cut off the contact between us, but it's just wayyyy toooo hard to do ! I end up messaging her. Now, I seriously need to move on. I've been hurt to death now. I feel depressed and don't feel like talking to anyone anymore. A little help needed to guide me where to start and what to do. :)
Answer
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Indu Padmakumar
Counselling Psychologist and Special Educator

Hi,
First of all,It seems like you're an extremely self aware indvidual, which is pretty rare. You already know the exact problem you're facing.
Although you think that it's a pretty common problem that is faced by many, the way each person experiences it is different.

Now you're in a situation where you like someone who isn't ready to get into a relationship with you but in a way expects you to treat them exactly the way a boyfriend does.
So basically, you're the guy who's not the boyfriend.
You chat everyday. You hang out everyday. I'm just guessing here, but it seems like you guys are dating without actually dating.

Don't let yourself be taken for granted. Love yourself enough to stop playing that role. Although it hurts bad when you can't see or text her one day, it'll hurt you more if you do text her everyday in the long run.

It's never good to be with someone who doesn't consider you with equal importance.
So It would be wise to move on from someone who is not interested enough to ask you out.
Plus, it seems like she hasn't moved on from her long distance relationship. Respect that, and let her take her own time to heal.

My suggestion would be to distract yourself from her as much as you can.
Hang out with other people and Make more friends. Turn to music if it gives you comfort as well.
Fill your life with other things apart from her. Chances are if you're that busy, you may think of her less and less, until one day you don't think of her that much at all.

Hope this helps. All the best to you :)

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