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She left me and is getting married to someone else

Asked by Male, 25, Single
She left me and getting married in November, I am in depression, unable to sleep well , not interested in anything and feeling worst I ever felt and it's killing me every second.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Having to deal with rejection in love is one of the toughest emotional battles we face in our life. You are not only left to deal with a broken heart but also come to terms with abandonment, a sense of terror about the future, disappointment... There is a process of going from 'we' back to 'me', and it is not easy, but not impossible as well. As you're dealing with this sadness, you're also having to deal with the shock and also perhaps an anger of her having moved on to be marrying someone else.
You're feeling your all time low, thoughts of her have left you sleepless and the torment seems to have taken over all your productivity and pleasure of all things. The pain and hurt seems unbearable to you right now. And it is meant to feel so, it is your heart that has been broken and needs to be mend. It will take its time and its process to heal. As difficult it may sound, learn to stay with your pain. It is difficult but it will only help you manage and deal with it.
Speak with that one person close to you or do that one thing that helps you manage through. It could be writing, painting, dancing, playing or listening to music, anything.
At such times you might find the need to isolate yourself or take to alcohol/smoking/etc or figuring and trying out ways to get back to her, etc but be ensured that no good would come out of this. These are only temporary unhelpful and unhealthy ways of dealing with the pain that you are feeling that will only bring you nothing but egret in the future. You are entitle to feel angry but vent it out in a healthy manner. Rebound relationships or revenge is not going to take your pain away.
Abide by the no contact rule. You do not want to be reminded of her taking her vows of marriage with someone else. Get rid of all symbols of her memories for good. If you feel the urge to speak with her, write an unsent letter to her and pour your heart out. It is okay to cry no matter what others tell you.
Get back to cherishing your life that exists beyond this relationship.
And remember, the building blocks to healing and health begins with the three fundamental pillars of sound sleep of 7 hours a day, 3 balanced meals a day and moderate physical activity. Without these in place, you will only be building upon a shaky foundation that is bound to prove futile.
Things will get better even if you cannot envision it right now, there is a brighter tomorrow awaiting you.

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