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Spouse has ego issues and is bored with our marriage

Asked by Female, 26, Married
I feel that my spouse is bored with our marriage. Also, he has ego issues.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Thank you for writing in to us. Recognising when you need help and reaching out for the same is the first courageous step to be able to take towards a better self.

One enters into marriage with dreams of hoping to start a new journey with their partner that is filled with love and happiness. For a happy and successful marriage, both partners need to be equally invested to work towards it. With time, sure a relationship is expected to grow but not at the cost of having left no room for excitement or enjoyment in it or for having left no regard or respect for either partner in it. I can imagine your pain and agony.

What you could do is be more aware of what is making you feel that your partner is bored in the marriage. List down all of those reasons. Come up with 1-2 suggestions, one that you could do alone and one that you can do with your partner, for each of those reasons on that list that will help you cater to those concerns. Discuss the same with your partner and begin to work on the suggestions that both you and your partner have agreed upon. Take one small step a day and gradually try exploring all suggestions that you and/or your partner have come up with. See what works best for the both of you and continue doing that on a regular basis.

Boredom in a marriage kicking in is a common phenomena and the common reasons for the same are:
monotony in the relationship,
loss of interest
unwilling to explore new exciting avenues in the relationship
health reasons
Figure out what are your partner's reasons.

Create excitement in the relationship by giving each other something to look forward to everyday. It need not be anything extravagant but a simple daily ritual that makes both of you interested, invested and happy in the relationship.

With regards to your husband's ego issues, it needs to be explored in detail the nature and degree of it and it would help you you both to begin to communicate about it. Doing so in a couple's therapy would help as the space would provide you both to be justly heard and work on the issues mutually.

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