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Trouble in marriage. Husband is irresponsible, does not show any love and care to our children!

Asked by Female, 38, Married

Do I really need a break up please suggest me. Feeling very depressed. Basically I'm a strong woman. I am doing my best to keep the life going for my kids as I lost all hopes on my husband. I am 38 years now. He is the only son and he is away from his parents as staying together never worked out for us. He doesn't support me financially in any way not even to children as he says he supports me by staying with me and that support is more than enough in the society. I took all the responsibilities of my kids financially. I really worked hard and now my is too busy to look after my kids. He don't even support me morally. All the day he stays at home to look after himself. He prepares his own food. I really don't feel his presence at home. This is happening from last 16 years. He doesn't have any bondage towards his kids. I stayed with him all these years only for one thing his contribution of love towards children. But he doesn't care for them a single day. Now kids are grown up. My daughter is 15 years old and son 10 years. Now I cannot live with him. My kids want their father and family staying together. All these years I have been waiting my kids to grow. They know everything about him but still want him. What should I do? I really don't know I have good reputation in the society. Everyone supports me, no one suggest me to separate from him. But it is really difficult to stay with him. He never help me but ready to criticize me in all aspects to put me down. I am the only child of my parents. I lost my father 5 years back, my mother stays with me and looks after my kids. Is this a drawback in my life. But life before my father's expiry was very worst I used to depend on my father for my needs. He never allowed me to stay at my moms house neither fulfilled my needs. In fact took all my jewelry which was given by my parents.

Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered almost 3 years ago

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes courage to reach out and take this step. I understand you are depressed about the state of your marriage. Although you have shown so much strength in trying to keep this marriage together for so long, the fact is it takes two to make it work. Unless your husband is willing to meet you halfway, this kind of commitment turns into a burden. You need to ask yourself whether this is something you can continue to manage. You also have your needs and expectations and constantly putting them on the backburner will lead you to have a burnout and you will run out of all your strength.
Ask yourself what do you want for yourself? Do you want to leave this marriage?
Yes leaving this marriage will not be without complications and issues but that doesn't make it a wrong decision either. All important decisions are hard because they mean so much more. So you have to think about life outside of this marriage and see if you have the strength and courage to deal with it. It's hard but certainly not impossible because of all the adjustment. I understand you are worried about your kids but you are the one equipped to judge this situation. Your kids still don't have the maturity to think head like you, so asking them what they want will not help. All kids want their parents to be together, so that's what they will ask for because the alternative is scary for them to imagine. Leaving him is a decision you have to take based on your experience and your tolerance level. Your kids are growing up in this atmosphere of an unhappy marriage. Think of how it will mould and shape them. Happiness is a choice and you have to work for it because you have to believe you deserve it. That is an important lesson your kids can learn too.
Please let me know what you think. I am here for you every step of the way. Regards

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