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Unable to decide whether to have a second child

Asked by Female, 36, Married
Hi...I m a married woman aged 36 though I don't look like.....I have one daughter aged 4yrs...now my husband want second child...or shall I put ..he want a son now... though he says he is ok with 2nd daughter....2 yrs back I was prepared for d 2nd...but I dunno y I m not ready now...I m really getting scared to go through tht entire process...again I vl blocked for 3yrs....v r nuclear family...n I m Not ready to stay with his parents also...as ours is a love marriage...huge cultural difference...n dey r behind for a boy child...dey don't mind to abort d girl child also..Dy have such type of mentality........I feel I vl not b able to handle 2 children.. N pay equal attention to both.... handle their studies etc....plus d age factor.....on second thoughts....I feel for my daughter...tht she vl left alone when v r no more....she need one sibling.....I m really really confused ....feel like crying at times...as d time is flying....need help
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Chandni Gandhi
Counselling Psychologist


I can understand the confusion that you are going through, from your description, all the reasons that you have listed down for having second child are for others, may it be for sake of your husband and his family or be it for your daughter.

It would be good to ask yourself this question about what do you want without considering others?

To help you i can walk you through pros and cons of this situation

second child does mean investment of lot of time, you will be busier then you are currently however organising time would be crucial key to handling this which is possible if you want it.

Positive part is you will feel more competent and like an expert since you already have experience with first child about breastfeeding, dealing with illness, changing diapers, etc

it also gives you chance to re-discover parenting altogether, whatever learnings you might have from parenting first child, you will be able to use it with second one.

As far as your daughter feeling lonely is concerned you should actually sit with her and involve her views in decision making process as well

like you mentioned if you are worried about being able to give equal love and time to both kids, most parents feel this kind of anxiety and are yet able to give equal to both the kids

aborting if another child is girl, wont be the case, since it is not possible for anyone legally to know this, there are serious consequences to it if done, but you sound confused about this, since you also mention your partner would be ok even if its a girl child and on another you mention they might not hesitate in aborting, please be very clear on this and on same page, talk about it with him honestly and be sure about it

whatever you decide, think of what you really want? its not just about your partner, equally your decision as well, talk to him about sharing of responsiblities as well, check with him about how much is he willing to do?

Hope this helps

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